Forgiveness: The Conversation

Forgiveness is not an easy task because we have been offended or hurt in some way and there is a part of us that feels an extremely strong need to “punish” the offender. Sadly this is counterproductive, as someone said: “Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in the jail and serving time for someone else’s crime”.

If Jesus could say, “Father, forgive them..” right there while on the cross, then there is no offense that is unforgivable.

We hocked up with one of our brothers – Mr. Ola Elesho, to have a conversation on this and hopefully we can gain insights on this very important topic.

JA: Let’s start with a definition; what does it mean to forgive?

OE: To forgive is to let go of offense hurt or any ill-feeling against another

JA: Are there any other situations that bring about the need for Forgiveness

OE: Yes sometimes we have to forgive ourselves..but most times forgiveness will be directed towards others such as friends, family, colleagues, the government, our leaders and so on

JA: In other words anyone we have any kind of relationship with right?

OE: Yes…. because the closer we are one to another the easier it is for offenses to occur

OE: See how Peter denied Jesus and Judas betrayed Jesus and the other disciples ran for cover except for John

JA: Okay. So Peter and Judas who were close to Jesus offended Him…

OE: Peter and Judas gave Him cause to be offended but Jesus already choose forgiveness

JA: Is it right to be offended?

OE: The Bible says offenses will come…it is natural. Offenses are one of the by-products of the fallen nature of man .. but this notwithstanding we have to now deliberately choose not to be offended and in fact treat offense like a dreaded disease which it really is

JA: Is there anyway offenses can be avoided?

OE: Yes number one way is to decide upfront not to be offended second way is to choose not to accept it when it comes the third is to if possible to avoid the object of offense and last but not the least to walk in the peace and love of God towards all men

JA: Why do we as human beings get offended?

OE: It’s as a result of the adamic nature that fell short of God’s glory

JA: From our talk, it seems like Forgiveness is the response to offense. So how do you forgive?

OE: In other to understand the “how-to” let us consider what unforgiveness does…first it can affect us spiritually then emotionally and finally our health. So to forgive is first a Spiritual act …I choose to forgive even if I don’t feel like forgiving or another way is to say I choose to forgive in obedience to God’s word that instructs me to

“Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.”- Joyce Meyer

OE: If after I choose to forgive, I still feel bad, then I pray for the person through whom the offense originates from… I do not ask God to forgive him only I also deliberately and sincerely ask God to bless him.. the act of forgiveness is a serious issue that reveals the depth of a believer’s walk with God

JA: A small digression : do our different personalities have impact of offenses…?

OE: Oh yes some personality type find it generally easier than others but ultimately it depends on our walk with God

JA: Please explain more…

OE: Forgiveness places a demand on our emotions and our personalities are reflected mainly via our emotions.. let me put it this way…if you love or like someone you are naturally inclined to forgive them. See 1 Peter 4:8

JA: Interesting. So it’s all about a choice?

OE: Mainly and more importantly our walk with God… Mark 11:23-25

Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:23-25

JA: In other words, Forgive others so that God can forgive you

OE: Unforgiveness along with her cousins bitterness, malice and envy, seriously hamper our walk with God and blocks the flow of blessings…prayer for people prone to offend us goes a very long way in providing grace and cover and build love

OE: I use to get agitated with some people but when I started praying for them regularly my agitation disappeared and I now sometimes empathize with them

JA: 👍🏽👍🏽

JA: What is the role of an apology?

OE: Same role and effect in reverse order

JA: Please explain further

OE: Apology is acceptance that you have offended someone…. some personality types find it very difficult to apologise…this is a sign of pride and it also depends on ones walk with God…

JA: What do you do when there is no apology given?

OE: You forgive. . forgiveness does not wait for apology…when you forgive you help yourself…

JA: Offenses as we have established usually occur in relationships. So when offenses come who should initiate peace? The offender or the offended? 🤷

OE: ANY

OE: Sometimes the offender may not realize that he has offended someone so the offended should draw the attention of the offender to the offense but if it is a trivial matter you can simply let go … Maturity and level of relationship are factors to be considered

JA: One more question… How does one recognize the need to forgive oneself and How does one forgive himself?

OE: The moment you regret some thing, maybe a past mistake, a missed opportunity, disobedience that hunts you etc then you need to forgive yourself of it.  You do so by confessing and acknowledging the mistake and saying out loud to yourself that you are forgiven and then turning to Satan and letting him know that your Father in heaven still has an abundance of goodies example the prodigal son father showered so much goodies that his senior brother was jealous I say to myself that no mistake of the past is too much for God to correct…man says opportunity lost cannot be regained my God says He will turn all things round to work for my good

JA: 👏🏻👏🏻 Thank you very much for your time in this conversation. We have learnt a lot and look forward to another conversation with you